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HOW TO SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

7/20/2016

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Healthy boundaries create healthy relationships. Unhealthy boundaries create dysfunctional ones. By establishing clear boundaries, we define ourselves in relation to others. To do this, however, we must be able to identify and respect our needs, feelings, opinions, and rights. Otherwise our efforts would be like putting a fence around a yard without knowing the property lines.

Those of us raised in dysfunctional families have probably had little experience with healthy boundaries. Therefore, learning how to establish them must be an important goal in our personal growth. In order to achieve this, however, we must overcome low self-esteem and passivity; learn to identify and respect our rights and needs; and become skilled at assertively taking care of ourselves in relationships. This process allows our true selves to emerge, and healthy boundaries become the fences that keep us safe - something we may never have experienced in childhood.

Boundaries can be physical or emotional. Physical boundaries define who can touch us, how someone can touch us, and how physically close another may approach us. Emotional boundaries define where our feelings end and another's begins. For example, do we take responsibility for our feelings and needs, and allow others to do the same? Or do we feel overly responsible for the feelings and needs of others and neglect our own? Are we able to say "no"? Can we ask for what we need? Are we compulsive people pleasers? Do we become upset simply because others are upset around us? Do we mimic the opinions of whomever we are around? The answers to these questions help define the "property lines" of our emotional boundaries.

Together, our physical and emotional boundaries define how we interact with others, and how we allow others to interact with us. Without boundaries, others could touch us in any way they wanted, do whatever they wished with our possessions, and treat us in any way they desired. In addition, we would believe everyone else's bad behaviors are our fault, take on everyone's else's problems as our own, and feel like we have no right to any rights. In short, our lives would chaotic and out of our control.

Boundaries can be too rigid or too loose. Those whose boundaries are too rigid literally shut out everyone from their lives. They appear aloof and distant, and do not talk about feelings or show emotions. They exhibit extreme self-sufficiency, and do not ask for help. They do not allow anyone to get physically or emotionally close to them. It is as if they live in a house surrounded by an immense wall with no gates. No one is allowed in.

Those whose boundaries are too loose put their hands on strangers and let others touch them inappropriately. They may be sexually promiscuous, confuse sex and love, be driven to be in a sexual relationship, and get too close to others too fast. They may take on the feelings of others as their own, easily become emotionally overwhelmed, give too much, take too much, and be in constant need of reassurance. They may expect others to read their minds, think they can read the minds of others, say "yes" when they want to say "no," and feel responsible for the feelings of others. Those with loose boundaries often lead chaotic lives, full of drama, as if they lived in houses with no fences, gates, locks, or even doors.

Those with healthy boundaries are firm but flexible. They give support and accept it. They respect their feelings, needs, opinions, and rights, and those of others, but are clear about their separateness. They are responsible for their own happiness and allow others to be responsible for their happiness. They are assertive and respectful of the rights of others to be assertive. They are able to negotiate and compromise, have empathy for others, are able to make mistakes without damaging their self-esteem, and have an internal sense of personal identity. They respect diversity. Those with healthy boundaries are comfortable with themselves, and make others comfortable around them. They live in houses with fences and gates that allow access only to those who respect their boundaries.

Learning to set healthy boundaries can feel uncomfortable, even scary, because it may go against the grain of the survival skills we learned in childhood - particularly if our caretakers were physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive. For example, we may have learned to repress our anger or other painful emotions because we would have been attacked and blamed for expressing the very pain the abuse had caused. Thus, attempting to set healthy boundaries as an adult may initially be accompanied by anxiety, but we must learn to work through these conditioned fears, or we will never have healthy relationships. But this process of growth takes time, and our motto should always be, "Progress not perfection."

Here are some tips for setting healthy boundaries, modified from the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine

When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, apologize for, or rationalize the boundary you are setting. Do not argue! Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully.

You can’t set a boundary and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating the boundary in a respectful manner. If others get upset with you, that is their problem. If they no longer want your friendship, then you are probably better off without them. You do not need "friends" who disrespect your boundaries.

At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway, and tell yourself you have a right to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don't let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.

When you feel anger or resentment, or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, then determine what you need to do or say. Then communicate your boundary assertively. When you are confident you can set healthy boundaries with others, you will have less need to put up walls.

When you set boundaries, you might be tested, especially by those accustomed to controlling you, abusing you, or manipulating you. Plan on it, expect it, but be firm. Remember, your behavior must match the boundaries you are setting. You can not establish a clear boundary successfully if you send a mixed message by apologizing for doing so. Be firm, clear, and respectful.

Most people are willing to respect your boundaries, but some are not. Be prepared to be firm about your boundaries when they are not being respected. If necessary, put up a wall by ending the relationship. In extreme cases, you might have to involve the police or judicial system by sending a no-contact letter or obtaining a restraining order.

Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time.  It is a process. You will set boundaries when you are ready. It’s your growth in your own time frame, not what someone else tells you. Let your counselor or support group help you with pace and process.  Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons from your life - those who want to manipulate you, abuse you, and control you.  Setting healthy boundaries allows your true self to emerge – and what an exciting journey that is. 

If you would like help in learning to establish healthy boundaries in your relationships, therapy might be right for you.

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Birth Order and Relationships

5/5/2014

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Are you a take-charge firstborn—or the attention-hungry baby of the family? Where you fall in your family’s birth-order hierarchy helps shape your personality and plays a significant role in your relationship. Your personality is directly related to how you interact with other people since the first people you interacted with were your parents and siblings. Figuring out your own birth-order personality, and that of your significant other, is simply one strategy you can use to assess your compatibility. Here’s what you need to know about birth order types—and how they mix, match, mesh or clash.

Firstborns

These children tend to be conscientious, ambitious, organized and—in relationships—dominant.  Firstborns like to be in control.  As with all birth-order positions, gender plays a role, too. In the case of firsts, oldest sons tend to be take-charge types, leaders. Oldest females, on the other hand, are more likely to be bossy, confident and aggressive than their younger sisters.

Middles

Middle children are the least defined of the types (there can only be one eldest and one baby, but middles shift depending on how many there are in the whole family). That said, they can be predictable in the best sense of that word.  Middle children are the Type O blood of relationships: They go with anyone. As a general rule, middles tend to be good at compromise—a skill valuable to them as they negotiated between bossy older sibs and needy younger ones.  However, some middle children (probably for the same reasons as above) can be secretive

Lastborns

Ah, the little sibs of the family. Beloved, treasured, and in many cases babied for much longer than their older siblings (and often by their older siblings), the stereotypical youngest of the brood tends to be less responsible and more devil-may-care, with less of a hankering to take charge. That can be different if the baby of the family came after a gap of more than a few years, though. In that case, the baby of the family may act more like an only child or an older sibling—as though the family had started all over again.

Only Children

The stereotype about only children is that they are pampered and precious, and thus will have trouble ceding the spotlight to anyone. But that doesn’t describe every only child. In fact, many onlies act a lot like firstborns. They tend to be responsible as well as mature. In fact, many “grow up” more quickly than kids with sibs, thanks to how much time they spend with adults.

Oldest with Oldest

Can you say Bill and Hillary Clinton? The ultimate political power couple, two firstborns, is a classic combination of control, dominance and striving. Two firstborns often butt heads because both want to be in control of every situation. They may fight over what movie to see, how to raise the children, where to live.  All relationships have these issues, of course, but these two strong personalities, used to getting their own way, may feel them more intensely. Relationship Tip: Try to understand that as strongly as you feel about something (like where to go on vacation), that’s likely how strongly your partner feels about his choice. Take that into consideration and make compromises to keep the relationship solid.

Oldest with Middle

This can be a fine pairing most of the time, but the middle child’s tendency to mold herself around her partner may leave her in danger of not following her own dreams. Of course, a lot depends on how domineering the firstborn partner is, and how “classic” the middle child’s accommodating personality is. Remember, such variables as gender and age spacing play a role in how close your personality hews to the birth-order line.  A middle child with close-in-age older and younger siblings is more “middle-ish” than one whose younger or older sibs are years apart. Relationship Tip: If you’re the middle child, use your natural ability to compromise to decide what you’re cool with leaving to your capable firstborn spouse, and what you’d prefer to control. Then break out of your natural tendency to let things go, and speak up!

Oldest with Youngest

This pairing has some good mojo behind it: The youngest child is cared for, while the older sibling can exert control. The baby of the family tends to be the type who needs attention; the firstborn, who was alone for a while in the family, doesn’t need to seek attention, because he or she usually got it. Relationship Tip: Emphasize the relative strengths of your personalities. If you’re married to a lastborn, don’t disparage what you see as his lack of responsibility. Instead, go with him on some adventures. Conversely, if you’re a lastborn married to an oldest child, you can learn how and why being serious can be a good idea.

Middle with Middle

Too bad Jan and Peter Brady couldn’t marry! Their smack-in-the-center, sensitive, compromising natures would have given them an edge in keeping a relationship healthy. In studies of marital satisfaction, middle children fare best all around. Even so, if both of you tend to be the secretive type, you could have difficulty communicating. Relationship Tip: Have frequent, air-clearing conversations about everything from money and sex to the kids, home and work so your individual needs don’t get drowned in a sea of compromise.

Youngest with Middle

While as a rule, middles can usually have harmonious relationships with someone from any birth order, this combo may present some issues. That’s because middles morph into the styles of the other types, depending on the dynamics of their particular family. A middle child with a much younger sib may act more like a lastborn (and the opposite situation may make the middle more like a firstborn). Relationship Tip: Try to figure out whether you have controlling tendencies (which you should keep in check so you don’t overwhelm your younger-sib spouse) or if you both are acting like “babies.”

Youngest with Youngest

These two can have a lot of fun—a pair of carefree, risk-taking lovers nearly always do. But the classic conundrum here is that no one wants to be in charge. You may find that neither of you wants to handle the finances or make other important decisions. Two last-born parents could be in a tough position: Both may prefer to be the kids’ friend, not the heavy hand when it comes to discipline, which puts a strain on a marriage. Relationship Tip: Try to figure out which of you is best at certain tasks (such as handling money or making decisions about the children), and then own up to that responsibility, rather than assuming the other will take care of it.

Onlies with Anyone

Unlike the other birth-order positions, only children haven’t been studied as much.  Most people assume an only child will resemble a firstborn in relationships, since they are, after all, first, but that doesn’t take into account the fact that an only never had an advisory (or bossy!) role with younger sibs. An only with a firstborn can be a good match if the only child acts less classically “firstborn.” And an only with the lastborn can present issues, if the only has had little experience with the relatively immature, attention-seeking behavior of the baby of the family. Perhaps no surprise, middles and onlies make a good match, with the middle child accustomed to the needy side as well as the possibly bossy side, of his or her “only” love. Relationship Tip: If you’re with an only, figuring out whether he’s more like an autocratic first born, or a pampered lastborn, will help you work through relationship snafus more smoothly. And if you are an only, you may do well seeking out a partner of any birth order who has a clutch of siblings, if you were the type who always missed siblings in your own home.










Resource: Woman's Day





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Recognizing Emotional Abuse

11/1/2012

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Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical  assaults. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than  physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant  criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and  refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically  wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their  own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and  belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or  “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value.  Emotional  abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper  and more lasting than physical ones.

 Types of Emotional Abuse
 Emotional abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of  abusive behavior include aggressing, denying, and minimizing.

 Aggressing
 Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing,  blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct  and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or  invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential  to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.

Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in relationships.

Denying
Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist,“I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,“etc.

Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent  treatment.”

Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of them and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.

Minimizing
Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted.

Trivializing, a more subtle form of minimizing, occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant.

Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experiences.

 Understanding Abusive Relationships
 No one intends to be in an abusive relationship, but individuals who were verbally abused by a parent or other significant person often find themselves in similar situations as an adult. If a parent tended to define your experiences and emotions, and judge your behaviors, you may not have learned how to set your own standards, develop your own viewpoints, and validate your own feelings and perceptions. Consequently, the controlling and defining stance  taken by an emotional abuser may feel familiar or even comfortable to you, although it is destructive.

Recipients of abuse often struggle with feelings of  powerlessness, hurt, fear, and anger. Ironically, abusers tend to struggle with these same feelings. Abusers are also likely to have been raised in emotionally abusive environments and they learn to be abusive as a way to cope with their own feelings of powerlessness, hurt, fear and anger. Consequently, abusers may be attracted to people who see themselves as helpless or who have not learned to value their own feelings, perceptions, or viewpoints. This allows the abuser to feel more secure and in control, and avoid dealing with their own feelings and self-perceptions.

Understanding the pattern of your relationships, especially those with family members and other significant people, is a first step toward change. A lack of clarity about who you are in relationship to significant others may manifest itself in different ways. For example, you may act as an “abuser” in some instances and as a “recipient” in others. You may find that you tend to be abused in your romantic relationships, allowing your partners to define and control you. In friendships, however, you may play the role of abuser by withholding, manipulating, trying to “help” others, etc. Knowing yourself and understanding your past can prevent abuse from being recreated in your life.

Are You Abusive to Yourself?
Often we allow people into our lives that treat us as we expect to be treated. If we feel contempt for ourselves or think very little of ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to us. If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, or treat others in negative ways, it is possible that we also treat ourselves similarly. If you are an abuser or a recipient, you may want to consider how you treat yourself. What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking?
Learning to love and care for ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have healthy, intimate relationships.

Basic Rights in a Relationship
If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. The following are basic rights in a relationship:
 · The right to good will from the other.
 · The right to emotional support.
 · The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
 · The right to have your own viewpoint, even if the other party has a different view.
 · The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as  real.
 · The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
 · The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what               is legitimately your business.
 · The right to live free from accusation and blame.
 · The right to live free from criticism and  judgment.
 · The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
 · The right to encouragement.
 · The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
 · The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
 · The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
 · The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

 What Can You Do?
 If you recognize yourself or your relationships in this information, you may wish to:
 1.  Educate yourself about emotionally abusive relationships. Two excellent resources include:
     Engle, Beverly, M.F.C.C. The Emotionally Abused Woman: 
     Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself. New York: Fawcett 
     Columbine, 1992.
     Evans, Patricia. The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to 
     Recognize It and How to Respond. Holbrook, Massachusetts: Bob Adams, Inc., 
     1992.
 2. Consider seeing a mental health professional.  A counselor can help you understand the  impact of an emotionally abusive relationship and can help you  learn  healthier ways of relating to others and caring for your own needs.
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NURTURING SELF-ESTEEM IN CHILDREN

5/9/2012

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The wonder and innocence of childhood is fragile and fleeting. The turns and tangles of the world beyond their parent’s arms can be harsh and complex for children. The cultural pressure on children to abandon their innocence and grow up fast is enormous—and wrought with countless trials and tears. Self-esteem is the consequence of how we cope, what we believe, how we were raised and, most importantly, how we live.

Children who have healthy self-esteem generally lead happier, more hopeful, productive and fulfilled lives than those who do not. Those with a healthy sense of who they are look to the future with greater confidence and enjoy more satisfying relationships in the present.

The challenge for parents can seem insurmountable. Parents have the opportunity, like no one else, to create an environment where love is unconditional, responsibility is shared, virtues are rewarded and mistakes are forgiven. These are the foundations of a family built for nurturing self-esteem in children.

At its core, self-esteem is the way we view and value ourselves. It's the inner confidence and trust that says, we're important, that others accept and even love us, that we're capable of making a significant contribution to the world, and that we have a purpose in life. We all possess a powerful, innate need to feel a sense of worth to ourselves and to others. It gives us a reason to get up in the morning. It also supplies the courage to take risks, persevere when we fail and pursue meaningful friendships and healthy intimacy with loved ones. Healthy self-esteem is the belief that "I'm loved. I'm accepted. I have value and worth and a place in this world."  Healthy self-esteem gives a child confidence, hope and the strength to deal with life's ups and downs.

The child with a good self-image sees a world full of possibilities, not just problems.  She/He is willing to try new things because he/she knows that no matter how they turn out, he/she is still a loved and valued person.  She is able to give others kindness and respect because she feels no need to make herself look better by putting others down.
 He has confidence that he'll be able to use the gifts and talents he has received to build a meaningful and fulfilling life.

The essential ingredient of healthy self-esteem is unconditional love. All children need to know that someone loves and accepts them just as they are—the bad as well as the good, the weaknesses as well as the strengths, the failures as well as the successes. Children need to know that no matter what they do, no matter how smart they are or are not, and no matter what they look like, at least one person in this world will always stand by them, believe in them and love them unconditionally.

In early life, children who feel safe and warm in the warmth of their parents’ arms, develop the belief that they are worthy of love and attention. They learn to love themselves because their parents loved them first.

This self-love and sense of security translates into the courage and confidence they need to try new things, overcome frustration, master challenges and develop satisfying friendships. When they accomplish these things they “feel good” and act happy.

So healthy self-esteem is the result of a dynamic, threefold process:
  1)   Parents must create a physical, intellectual and emotional environment where their child feels safe and loved unconditionally, with plenty of challenges and opportunities for success.
  2)   The child must try, fail and succeed on his own.
  3)   Parents must encourage and praise their efforts and progress, and show love even when they fail.

A good parent is a teacher, coach, mentor and cheerleader to their children.  When children are supported and loved unconditionally, it unleashes their potential and empowers them to face whatever life might throw at them.

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HEALTH BENEFITS OF LAUGHTER

4/29/2012

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Humor is infectious. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. Laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress.

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused and alert.

With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health.   

Laughter is good for your health:
    Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress,     leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after. 
    Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. 
    Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain. 
    Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
    Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss. 

More than just a respite from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh–or even simply a smile–can go a long way toward making you feel better. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain and readies you to smile and join in the fun. 

Laughter and Mental Health
Laughter dissolves distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing. 
Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more. 
Humor shifts perspective, allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed. 

Laughter and Relationships
Shared laughter is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing laughter and play also adds joy, vitality, and resilience. And humor is a powerful and effective way to heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter unites people during difficult times. 
Incorporating more humor and play into your daily interactions can improve the quality of your love relationships— as well as your connections with co-workers, family members, and friends. 

Using humor and laughter in relationships allows you to:
    Be more spontaneous. Humor gets you out of your head and away from your troubles. 
    Let go of defensiveness. Laughter helps you forget judgments, criticisms, and doubts. 
    Release inhibitions. Your fear of holding back and holding on are set aside. 
    Express your true feelings. Deeply felt emotions are allowed to rise to the surface.

As laughter, humor, and play become an integrated part of your life, your creativity will flourish and new discoveries for playing with friends, your children and/or grandchildren, coworkers, acquaintances, and loved ones will occur to you daily. Humor takes you to a higher place where you can view the world from a more relaxed, positive, creative, joyful, and balanced perspective.

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WHAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE?

3/25/2012

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Identifying the cause(s) of PTSD is fairly easy. In other words, the problem is not in identifying the cause but in overcoming the results of the trauma.

Emotional abuse can be difficult to identify because there are usually no outward signs of the abuse. When we look at an emotionally abusive relationship, one of the patterns we see is that one person is almost always the perpetrator of the abuse and the one with more power in the relationship. Emotional abuse is all about power and control!

Emotional abuse includes all kinds of hurtful behaviors, words, and actions designed to scare, manipulate, intimidate, threaten, isolate and destabilize the one with less power in the relationship. Emotional abuse is very hurtful; many people who have been abused say that the emotional abuse is even more damaging and harder to heal from than physical abuse.

Your abuser may be your ex-or current husband or wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner, or your adult child, care giver or parent. Abuse happens to people of all ages, teenagers in dating relationships, older people, people of all sexual orientations, people who are disabled and people from all racial, cultural, and religious backgrounds.

Emotional Abuse is when:
  1. Someone uses jealousy and possessiveness as an excuse to make unreasonable demands
  2. Uses guilt trips to manipulate you
  3. Tries to control you by telling you what to do or who you can talk to
  4. Hurts your feelings on purpose and makes you feel bad about yourself
  5. Keeps tabs on you and checks up on you
  6. Controls your money
  7. Manipulates you with sex, by forcing sex or withholding sex
  8. Tries to cut you off from your friends and family
  9. Controls your body or decisions about pregnancy

What an abusive relationship feels like:
  1. You feel confused about whether it’s really abuse because sometimes the other person is nice and fun to be with, or because the abuse is not always obvious
  2. You find yourself ‘walking on egg shells’ being careful to not upset them
  3. The abusive person’s needs and opinions dominate in the relationship and you feel controlled by them

Setting Healthy Boundaries is a remedy for an emotionally abusive relationship. It will take time but it is never too late to change the way you interact with others. Good luck!


For more info, female and/or male victims of emotional abuse visit:
http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

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PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA

3/17/2012

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To understand what trauma does, we have to understand what it is. Psychic trauma occurs when a sudden, unexpected, overwhelming intense emotional blow or a series of blows assaults the person from outside.  Traumatic events are external, but they quickly become incorporated into the mind.  Trauma occurs when both internal and external resources are inadequate to cope with an external threat.  It is not the trauma itself that does the damage, it is how the individual’s mind and body reacts in its own unique way to the traumatic experience.   Trauma occurs whenever someone  fears for their life or for the lives of someone they love. A traumatic experience impacts the entire person ‐ the way we think, the way we learn, the way we remember things, the way we feel about ourselves, the way we feel about other people, and the way we make sense of the world are all profoundly altered by a traumatic experience.












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    Cycle Of Abuse
    Delusional Disorders
    Depression
    Dissociative Disorders
    Domestic Violence
    Dysfunctional Family
    Eating Disorders
    Emotional Abuse
    Emotional Pain/Prayer
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    Histrionic
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    Love Theory
    Mental Illness 101
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    Ocd
    Parentification
    Parenting
    Peaceful Parenting
    Promiscuity
    Psychopath
    PTSD
    Ptsd In Children
    Rape
    Relapse Prevention PLan
    Relationships
    Respect
    Scapegoating
    Self Care
    Self -mutilation
    Self-Respect
    Setting Boundaries
    Setting Goals
    Setting Healthy Boundaries
    Sexual Abuse
    Stockholm Syndrome
    Suicide
    Trauma
    Trauma Nightmares
    Trauma Series
    Trauma Triggers

    Beth Watson, LCSW

    I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a strong spiritual foundation providing counseling in the Tallahassee, Florida area.  My areas of interest include grief and loss, depression and anxiety, women's emotional health, trauma related issues such as PTSD, family substance abuse issues, domestic violence and family counseling including couples counseling, children and adolescent behavioral issues and parenting. Giving back is very rewarding with the growth and satisfaction of each client. It is my passion and my honor to serve others. 
    Please check out FREE counseling categories below and do drop me a note if your area of interest is not included.  Thanks for dropping by!
    Beth

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Addiction
    Agoraphobia
    Benefits Of Laughter
    Bipolar Disorder
    Birth Order & Relationships
    Borderline Personality Disorder
    Caregiver Syndrome
    Childhood Abuse
    Children Of Ptsd Parent
    Child Self Esteem
    Claustrophobia
    Codependent
    Codependent Series
    Cognitive Processing Therapy
    Combat Trauma
    CPT
    Cycle Of Abuse
    Delusional Disorders
    Depression
    Dissociative Disorders
    Domestic Violence
    Dysfunctional Family
    Eating Disorders
    Emotional Abuse
    Emotional Pain/Prayer
    Enmeshment
    Goals
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Grief Affirmations
    Grief/Trauma Inventory
    H.A.L.T.
    Healing Touch
    Health Benefits Of Crying
    Healthy Boundaries
    Healthy Family Traits
    Healthy Grieving
    Histrionic
    Holiday Stress/Depression
    Life Balance
    Love
    Love Theory
    Mental Illness 101
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    Natural Disaster Trauma
    New Year Resolutions
    Nightmares
    Ocd
    Parentification
    Parenting
    Peaceful Parenting
    Promiscuity
    Psychopath
    PTSD
    Ptsd In Children
    Rape
    Relapse Prevention PLan
    Relationships
    Respect
    Scapegoating
    Self Care
    Self -mutilation
    Self-Respect
    Setting Boundaries
    Setting Goals
    Setting Healthy Boundaries
    Sexual Abuse
    Stockholm Syndrome
    Suicide
    Trauma
    Trauma Nightmares
    Trauma Series
    Trauma Triggers

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